Random Insanity
by vanillaninja2032
Summary: Chapter 4: Starscream meets Alexis, Bumblebee pranks the autobots, Jazz and Wheeljack discover ex-tenze, and everyone peeps on Bluestreak. Crack.
1. Zoo Day Misadventures

A/N: These are side stories to our main story _Aggressive Expansion_. This doesn't have anything to do with the plot of _Aggressive Expansion_, only the characters are the same. These are just silly stories so enjoy and review.

Zoo Misadventures

"We'll be back later, Jazz is going to take us, so, yeah. Bye." Charlie headed out the door in jeans, a white shirt, and a large sun hat with sunglasses. Alex had her arms crossed and left after her, wearing her jeans skirt and green tank top courtesy of Mikaela. The twins watched them go.

"Is this okay? I mean, we are supposed to follow them." Sunstreaker turned and left.

"Who cares? Come on."

"But it's our job, look it's on the list Hatchet gave us." Sideswipe held out a piece of paper with the words 'KEEP THEM ALIVE OR ELSE!' Sunstreaker grabbed it out of his hand and folded it up into a paper airplane, throwing it over his shoulder.

"Who cares?"

"Fascinating!" The twins turned around and spotted Wheeljack studying the paper airplane. "Marvelous! Hmm, brilliant!" He snapped his fingers and ran for his lab, the twins looked at each other and shrugged, what did they care? Sunstreaker left for the rec room with Sideswipe following. When they reached the rec room Sideswipe grabbed the remote out of Bluestreak's hand and changed the channel.

"Hey! I was watching that!"

"It's okay I don't mind."

"But-"

"I'm watching TV here Bluestreak it's rude to interrupt someone when they're busy."

"But you-" Bluestreak stood there stunned for a few more minutes before settling in and watching Sideswipe flip through channels. Behind him Sunstreaker was staring in a mirror and posing for himself trying to decide which angle he looked best from. The left, he decided. Sideswipe stopped on a reality TV show.

"Hey, what's this?"

"_Alright folks, let's see how they does, ready, set, go!"_ The host on the television sent three male models out on a beach, where they were supposed to 'impress' the female population with their good looks. Whoever won was crowned 'Sexiest Man' and given a crown. Sunstreaker watched with interest.

"_They_ are considered sexy? Then they have obviously never met _me._" Sideswipe laughed and Sunstreaker glared at him. "What are you laughing at?" Sideswipe continued to laugh at him. "I'm the sexiest thing in the universe no matter what species." More laughter, Bluestreak started laughing with him. "I am!"

"Of course you are Sunny." Sunstreaker huffed.

"I'll prove it I bet I can get at least fifty of those human females to fall for me!"

"I doubt it Sunny, Alex and Charlie don't seem impressed at all by you and they are female."

"They have poor taste."

"They thought I was hot."

"Like I said poor taste."

"I bet all the human femmes like me more than you."

"Ridiculous!...You're on." Sunstreaker transformed and left the base intent on proving he was more desirable then his twin, Sideswipe followed leaving Bluestreak alone in the rec room. He grabbed the remote and switched back to the channel he was watching.

"Alright make sure you grab your olive oil…" He started taking notes from Rachel Ray on how to make roast chicken. He lived for this femme's show, Ironhide walked in and sat down next to Bluestreak.

"What's she making this time?"

"Roast chicken."

"Good. Turn it up."

Charlie sat in the stands watching the reptile show, Alex was next to her eating cotton candy and next to her was Jazz in his holoform, he was tall with dark skin and dreadlocks pulled back, wearing a light blue visor across his eyes. He was watching the employee wrestle an alligator with horrified interest.

"Is he programmed to do that?"

"He's been trained to."

"But it's twice his mass."

"That's why it's interesting." Charlie ignored the conversation going on next to her, she surveyed the alligators, finally landing on one that was next to the fence gazing up at her looking like it wanted to escape, yup that was the one for her. She took off her sun hat and pulled a rope out of it, this was why she wanted Jazz to take her to the zoo for, her very own alligator. She nudged Alex, the signal that it was go time. Alex stood and took off her shirt, reveling her bikini top, she pulled a folding lawn chair out of nowhere and sat down on it and started eating a popsicle and Charlie knew she was good. As people started watching Alex, she hoped over the fence separating the alligators from the zoo goers and stalked towards her intended alligator.

Jazz stood still, his mouth agape, were females supposed to do that? Alex was being surrounded by males and some of which started taking pictures of her.

"Alex what are you doing?!"

"Why I'm eating a popsicle Jazzy my dear. Why don't you join me?" Alex stood and pulled his shirt off, then handed him a popsicle and sat back down. He stood there stunned, he didn't know his holoform's clothes could come off. She drug her popsicle down his built chest and raised her eyebrows. He shrugged and gave her a wicked grin. This could be fun…….

"You're eyes are bluer than the Atlantic Ocean and baby, I'm all lost at sea." The girl giggled and Sideswipe smirked. Another one down. He blew her a kiss and walked over to Sunstreaker. He was messing up his blonde hair and took off his leather jacket, showing a tight gray shirt that showed off his muscles. Girls swooned. He raised his eyebrows at his brother, who smirked.

"You're on." He answered his unspoken challenge and took off his own jacket, showing his white wife beater. He took a bottle of water and poured it over his head, shaking his short black hair. He slicked it away from his face and several girls fainted.

"So?"

"So? We're tied, come on, we need fresh blood." They looked at all the comatose girls around them and headed for their alt forms, which were several meters away. They got in and tinted the windows before switching off their holoforms and zooming off to find more 'judges.'

--

"AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!" The people at the zoo ran around screaming their heads off and heading for the exits. Charlie sipped her coke as she watched the people stampede, when she got her pet alligator she forgot to close the fence after she left and now a group of alligators were running around the zoo chasing people.

"Huh, they really shouldn't panic like that, they can smell fear can't you Jacques?" She looked down at the alligator she roped and fed it some Doritos. "Good boy."

"SQUAK!" She looked up and saw a flock of exotic birds heading south.

"Well I'm pretty sure I didn't let them out." She watched the flamingos go by and shrugged. Most of the caretakers were male and most of them were still clustered around Alex, who had shed her pants and now lay in her red bikini, utterly detached from the men around her. She had finished her popsicle and was now sucking on a lollipop lazily. Jazz had been laying next to her, but left when he saw the flamingo exhibit. He had never seen pink birds before…..

"Alright, what about this place, looks crowded." The twins had stopped at the entrance to a place called z-o-o. They shrugged and headed inside. They stopped when a girl held out her hand.

"Tickets please." They looked at each other. Tickets? Sunstreaker smirked.

"Don't worry darling you don't need to buy a ticket to be admitted to my ride." The girl gasped and both twins smirked. They walked by her still form and Sideswipe slapped his twins hand. They walked in and stopped. People were running around in a panic while long green reptiles chased them. They blinked.

"Huh. Humans are weird."

"You said it. Alright, I'll start over there, and you start over there. We'll meet in the middle and compare our scores."

"You're on." They both went in opposite directions, failing to notice a short brown haired girl walking by with an alligator on a leash. It was rather interested in the flamingos, as was its owner.

"Alright Jacques, find Jazz!" The alligator stared at her, before snapping at her ankles.

"Jacques! No! Now find Jazz!" They took off and rounded the corner, more people backing away from them.

"So, they're pink cause they eat pink fish things? Fascinating." Jazz stood next to a crowd of female zoo workers, pondering the pink birds. He was still shirtless, and they couldn't stop staring at him. He looked worriedly over at the large male crowd around Alex, should he go back over to her? He'd rather play around with her than have some other guy do it. On second thought…..

"Wow, you're so interesting."

"So tell us, where did you get that tattoo?" Jazz blanched. Tattoo?

"Girl, you gotta be tired cause you've been running through my mind all day." Sunstreaker leaned against the wall next to a short blonde girl and mentally patted himself on the back when she swooned. He walked past a few alligators and peered curiously. Hmmm, why were all those guys standing over there? He walked over and pushed through the crowd. There was a lawn chair facing away from him. He could see long bare legs stretched out and a hand come up and flip long, silky hair. Ahh, so this must be the 'queen bee' or top female. If he seduced her, he'd win for sure. He walked up behind the chair and leaned over it.

"You have nice legs, what time do they open?" The girl turned around and Sunstreaker stared in horror.

"Aaaaalex." He eeped. She pointed at him.

"Do you even know what that means? What are you doing here? You're such a pervert!" She said all this very quickly and waved her lollipop at him threateningly. The guys backed away. Sunny put his hands up and stared at her. Alex was the top girl here? He stared at her in shock. She jumped when Sideswipe came up behind her and flung his arms around her.

"Hey Alex, how's it going." She crossed her arms.

"What are you doing?"

"Trying to beat each other in picking up chicks. And since you failed with Alex, that means I win!" Alex turned back to Sunstreaker.

"You were trying to pick me up! You pervert!" She slapped him and he stood there while she stomped off. She was walking toward a bunch of alligators. Where was Jazz? "Alex, wait!" He ran after her and Sideswipe sighed.

"And you shall be Professor Fuzziwigs." Charlie patted the large boa constrictor around her neck. She walked out of the reptile house and headed towards the bird house. "Jazz!" She spotted Jazz and skipped over to him dragging Jacques behind her.

"Charlie?"

"What's up Jazz?"

"Charlie, there are two large reptiles around you."

"Yeah this is Jacques and his pet boa Professor Fuzziwigs."

"Jazzikins, wait up!" A large crowd of females surrounded Jazz.

"Heh, sorry ladies." Sideswipe stared. So did Alex and Sunstreaker.

"I, how---" Jazz shrugged.

"Guess I'm what they call a babe-magnet."

"Amen." Sunstreaker glared at Alex, who walked over to Jazz and put her arms around him.

"Hey!" Sideswipe crossed his arms.

"So, Jazz wins." Charlie walked up to him solemnly, covered in reptiles.

"Yes." He turned to stare at her. Then he started screaming.

"AHHHHHH!!! Slimy organics!!!! RUN AWAY!!!" Sideswipe ran away, screaming into the night.

"Huh? Didn't see that one coming."

Elsewhere back at the base…

Wheeljack solemnly walked towards Ratchet's med bay, he had been researching what other things could be made from paper and had been fascinated with paper cranes. He promptly folded around two hundred of them. He had been admiring them and thinking of giving one to Charlie when they blew up.

"I blew up paper." Ratchet regarded him.

"I know. I just put it on the list of things you're not allowed to touch." Wheeljack looked down.

"Add duct tape to the list too."


	2. Midnight Dances

A/N: Valentine's Day fluff chapter for Alex and Mirage. Have a good Valentine's Day, Enjoy!

Midnight Dances

Alex and Charlie were sitting in the rec room watching Jazz and Hound play Guitar Hero, they had introduced the mechs to video games and now they were hooked.

"Come on Hound you gotta jam with it, feel your inner rock star!"

"You know Alex not everyone head bangs when they play the game."

"They should." Charlie turned back to watching Jazz and Hound play, ignoring the head banging Alex dancing next to her, she heard the door open and saw Bluestreak walk in covered in paper.

"Blue?" He sadly nodded his head and sat down in a chair next to the table the girls were on, Charlie walked over and started cleaning him up.

"What happened?"

"I was surveying your downtown area and all these humans kept putting paper on me." She looked at what she was pulling off of him.

"They're fliers, well this one is a parking ticket, but the rest of them are fliers for businesses and town activities, see this one is for the Valentine's Day dance for the college."

"Huh?"

"Oh every year the local university holds this dance for Valentine's Day it's like the college equivalent of prom lots of fun even if you're not a couple."

"What?"

"Charlie I don't think they have Valentine's Day on Cybertron."

"Oh." She looked thrown for a moment. "Valentine's Day is a human celebration of love, you spend it with the person you love and you give and get presents and do things to celebrate love!" Bluestreak nodded looking like he finally understood. "I usually spend it eating junk food and watching Johnny Depp movies."

"I thought you spent it with to person you love."

"But Jazz I do love Johnny Depp." He didn't know what to say to that, Charlie went back to removing the fliers from Bluestreak. and I get the next game!" The girls and the bots returned to playing Guitar Hero. It was at that moment Mirage walked in and looked curiously at Charlie pulling fliers off of Bluestreak. He went over to get his energon and stood against the wall, observing Jazz and Hound playing Guitar Hero. Bluestreak came over to the energon dispenser, still pulling off fliers. Mirage caught one of them and read it out loud.

"Valentine's Day?"

"Human celebration of love." Alex supplied, he turned and looked at her, she had started playing Guitar Hero, he watched her dance around as she played the game, watching her hips move in time to the music. He was impressed with the way she could move her body, femmes on Cybertron couldn't move like that, humans were much more fluid in their movements, he liked that, he really liked that.

Charlie was watching Mirage watch Alex, that explained why he was always so nice to Alex. She watched him leave and signaled to Bluestreak that she wanted to be put down on the ground, she ran out of the room and chased after him.

"What do you want?" She grinned up at him.

"You like her." She sang. Mirage stopped and looked down at the annoying human.

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"You like Alex, don't you?" He didn't respond. "It's okay I just figured it out, which means that Alex doesn't have a clue so no worries your secret love is safe."

"You're being foolish."

"Mirage and Alex sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G… "Charlie paused in her song. "Well actually you really couldn't sit in a tree together, the branch would break and you would probably crush her, that would be a bad ending to your secret love." She paused again and looked up at Mirage, he was staring at the wall, Charlie knew she said the wrong thing. "Look Mirage I didn't mean it, I'm sorry. I really didn't mean it, you and Alex would be good together." He started walking away from her. "Mirage I'm sorry!"

"Drop it." Charlie stood there stunned, she just messed up big time, she had to make this up to him. She looked down at and saw the flier for the Valentine's Day dance Mirage must have dropped it. She ran up to Mirage and stopped him. "Mirage how would you like to go on a date with Alex? Don't worry I've got this figured out, just be ready on Saturday okay? Get nice clothes for your holoform!" Charlie turned around and ran back to the rec room before Mirage had a chance to say anything.

Saturday Night…

"Alex!" Alex looked up from the magazine she was reading and saw Charlie grinning over her.

"What?"

"Gussy yourself up we're going to a dance."

"Huh?"

"I got the idea from Bluestreak, well the fliers on Bluestreak, come on it will be fun!" Alex shrugged, why not she was always up for stuff like this, she got up and went to change, when she left the room Charlie pulled out a walkie-talkie.

"Hound, I'm good on my end. What about you?"

"Step one's completed."

"Good, I'll meet you for phase three." She put her walkie-talkie away and grinned to herself.

"Alex, you ready yet?"

"Yeah, yeah." Alex walked back out into their pseudo living room and grabbed her shoes. "Do the twins know we're going to the dance?"

"Oh the twins aren't taking us, they're busy, but Mirage said he'd be happy to. Let's go!" Charlie started pushing Alex out of the room trying to get her to hurry up. They left their room and ran into Mirage. "Mirage great we were just coming to see you! Ready to go?" He looked slightly confused for a moment, but the eager nodding from Charlie prompted him just to transform and do whatever the girl said to do.

"Super duper! Alright Mirage take us into town."

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Hound looked around at Jazz, Bluestreak and Sideswipe.

"Sure it is! Why wouldn't it be?"

"Mmph!"

"That's why." The bots look down and watched as a hog tied Sunstreaker struggled to break out of his bonds and kill the mechs that dared do this to him. Charlie was convinced that Alex and Mirage would never be able to have a proper date if Sunstreaker found out and was allowed to butt in, he didn't like Mirage very much, so Charlie had somehow convinced the four mechs to make sure he was preoccupied, and to Charlie and Sideswipe that meant tying him up and gagging him.

"You know Sunny if you keep doing that you'll scratch your paint job." Sunstreaker glared up at his twin, silently communicating that he would be the first to die.

Alex looked around the gym where the dance was being held, it was decorated with pink, red and white streamers, lights and a disco ball, with glitter everywhere, music was blasting from the speakers and there was already a large group of people dancing.

"Alright let's do this thing!" Charlie eagerly pumped her fists next to hers, and ran into the middle of the fray, with Alex following behind her.

They had been dancing for a while when Charlie suddenly stopped, and pretended to see someone she knew.

"Oh there's someone I know I'm gonna go talk to them."

"Who?"

"Um, Cassie and Garrett."

"Where? Let's go see them!" Charlie froze.

"NO!" Alex stared and looked at her.

"Why?"

"Because, they, um they secretly hate you! I couldn't tell you before but now it's time you learned the truth you see they have just always been to afraid of you to reveal their true feelings, but alas you know now and I no longer have to live with the guilt. I shall now go and see them stay here and I will try to improve your standing in their eyes, good-bye!" Charlie ran away from Alex before she could question her lie.

Alex looked around trying to figure out what just happened when she was bumped from behind from someone.

"Hey! Watch it!"

"I'm sorry." She turned around a saw a gorgeous man with long blonde hair, wearing black slacks and a tight long sleeved blue sweater.

"Mirage?" He grinned at her before taking her hand and started dancing with her. "You can dance?"

"There's dancing on Cybertron too Alex."

"Oh." He spun her around before bringing her closer to him.

"What are you doing here?"

"I brought you here." She got the feeling she probably wasn't going to get a straight answer out of him, maybe he just got bored waiting outside. At that moment a slow song started playing, and their pace slowed to match the music. He brought her even closer to his body, and Alex decided she really didn't mind the closeness, as she placed her head on his shoulder.

Charlie grinned from her spot next to Jazz on the DJ stand, he had taken over for the other DJ that was there before, and she idly wondered if the former DJ was also hog tied and gagged somewhere.

"Who's watching Sunny?"

"Oh Sides and Blue are on the job." Charlie nodded.

"Cool, keep the slow songs coming for a bit Jazz." He nodded and adjusted his visor before picking up another record and played something from it.

Sunstreaker was planning on how best to kill his brother after getting out of his bonds. He decided he would break him into so many pieces that not even Ratchet could put him back together again, then he would break the pieces that were once his brother into even smaller pieces and give them to the humans to use as confetti in one of their parades. He shot his brother a scathing look as he tried to break his energon bonds. Sideswipe knelt beside him and patted him on the cheek,

"There, there Sunny it's okay maybe you should get a nice recharge in. Do you want me to sing you to sleep?" Sideswipe started singing an earth lullaby to his brother consisting of sparklings on precarious ledges. Bluestreak looked at the twins and backed away a bit, he was beginning to doubt if this was a good idea anymore. Sunstreaker looked like he was going to kill them all.

"Sideswipe are you sure that's a good idea? He looks really angry."

"That's why I'm singing him to sleep." Sideswipe looked up from his position next to Sunstreaker, who he was trying to get to recharge by rocking him back and forth.

"But what happens when Alex and Mirage's date is over and we let him go, won't he be really, really angry?" The only response he got was a nonchalant shrug from the red twin, as he continued to try to get his brother to sleep.

Sunstreaker's audio receptors perked up at what Bluestreak just said, Mirage was the reason he was stuck like this? And he was on a date with _his _charge? Didn't Alex know she was only allowed to date men he approved of? Now he was mad, he was going to find the two of them and teach them a lesson. He jerked again trying to get out of the energon bonds before an idea struck him, his optics dimmed and his holoform appeared fifty feet in front of him, and started walking towards town. Sideswipe stood up, pleased that his brother had finally given up.

"See I told you I'd get him to recharge."

"Sunstreaker just walked away."

"No Bluestreak Sunny's right here."

"No, I mean his holoform just walked away."

"Oh." Slag he forgot they could do that, Charlie was going to kill him. "Quick, find him!"

The disco ball sparkled above them, sending light reflections to all corners of the gym. Mirage looked down at Alex; even in her high heeled shoes he was still taller than her, he didn't think he'd ever seen her look more beautiful. Her green silk top caused her equally green eyes to stand out. He loved her eyes, no one on Cybertron had green eyes, it was unheard of. Transformers' optics came in only two colors, blue for autobots and red for decepticons. He loved Alex's green eyes, they gave her a foreign and exotic look, the femmes on Cybertron could keep their blue optics, green was his new favorite eye color.

He stepped in time to the music, leading Alex in an earth dance he learned from their internet. He hadn't danced since before the war and it was nothing like this, he liked earth dances, humans could move in ways that transformers could never even dream of and it showed in their dances. Yes, he definitely liked earth dances better, he looked down and smiled at Alex, or maybe he just liked his earth dance partner better.

Charlie smirked as she saw Alex and Mirage slow dancing, she was the best matchmaker ever! She nudged Jazz and pointed the two of them out.

"This is what you call a Kodak moment. Aren't they cute?" She cooed. Suddenly she paused as she spotted an angry looking blonde stalking towards the prized couple.

"Crap." She jumped off the DJ stand and ran at Sunstreaker before he was able to get to where Alex and Mirage were dancing, she dived and tackled him.

"What the pit?! Get off human!" She slapped her hand over his mouth to get him to be quiet.

"Shut up!" She hissed, she looked around to see if Alex and Mirage had stopped dancing and noticed a group of people staring at her, crap she needed to fix this. "Jazz time to say good night!" She dragged Sunstreaker out of the building, intent on ditching him in Hound.

Jazz got the message. "Alright all you crazy kids it's getting late, and I've run out of tunes, you don't have to go home, but you can't stay here, so grab your special someone and have one last dance." Jazz left playing one last love song as he went to untie the original DJ and help Charlie with an irate Sunstreaker.

Alex sighed and stepped away from Mirage. "Guess that means we have to go back to the base. Now we just have to find Charlie."

"Oh I saw her leave earlier with someone."

"Oh." That was weird, Charlie usually would have told her if she decided to ditch, oh well. She shrugged.

"Shall we?" Mirage offered her his arm and she accepted, letting him lead her outside to where he was parked. She climbed in and was mildly surprised when his holoform remained in tact and sat next to her in the driver's seat.

"I could've sat there you don't need to keep your holoform on." He smirked at her.

"It's okay I don't mind at all." She nodded and looked at the clock, it was already midnight, wow time sure flew when you were dancing with an alien robot's holoform.

"It's late." His holoform nodded, but didn't say anything, and they started driving back towards the base in silence. They had been driving for about twenty minutes when Mirage pulled over.

"Is something wrong?" His holoform appeared next to her door and opened it for her.

"Not a thing." He smiled at her, taking her hand in his.

"Then why did we stop?"

"According to your internet a meteor show is scheduled for tonight, I thought perhaps you would like to watch, or would you rather we returned to base?" She shook her head.

"No, let's stay." Mirage grabbed her hips and sat her on his hood, she was stunned for a minute, as thoughts started racing in her head, would this be considered sitting in his lap? She told herself to stop thinking like that and leaned back to watch the stars. Mirage sat next to her and took her hand in his, neither one said anything as they sat there. After twenty minutes of silent star gazing Alex spoke up.

"They say if you make a wish on a shooting star it will come true." Mirage cocked an eye at her.

"Really? Maybe we should try." They both looked back up at the sky and made a wish as a star shot by. Alex suddenly shuddered, and Mirage looked at her, concerned.

"I'm sorry, it's cold and I forgot that you're affected by the weather." He offered her his hand and helped her off his hood. She stood and smiled at him.

"Thanks…so, what did you wish for?" He regarded her for a moment.

"I was under the impression that if I revealed my wish it would not come true."

"Well we won't know that until you tell me." She smirked playfully at him, and he wrapped his arm around her waist and brought her close to him, he tilted her head up and smiled at her.

"This." He closed the space between the two of them and kissed her.

Charlie smirked from her hiding spot behind a tree, and turned to Jazz.

"Do you have the camera?" Jazz smirked back at her, and started taking pictures, she could probably sell these back to Mirage and make a huge profit. Behind her a muffled Sunstreaker shot a death glare at them, and she turned back and looked at him.

"I know Sunstreaker, they _are_ a good couple."


	3. Swimming Lessons

Swimming Lessons

"_Someone's in the kitchen with Dinah, someone's in the kitchen I knooooow, someone's in the kitchen, playing that old trumbooooone_." Alex looked up from her computer and saw Charlie walking into their room carrying a ladder and a sledge hammer, singing her tone deaf ears out. Alex raised an eyebrow.

"Charlie what are you-? No, no I don't want to know." She shook her head and turned back to her computer. Whatever it was Charlie was doing she wanted no part in it.

Charlie shrugged her shoulders and started humming her song, picking up from where she left off. She stood back and started contemplating the wall in front of her; she made a hming noise before making up her mind. She set up her ladder and climbed up, taking her sledge hammer with her. She was three rungs from the top when she started swinging.

Alex didn't bother to look up from her computer, she just turned her music up louder. The walls to their room, being made hastily for their use, were not as well made as the rest of the autobot base; it only took Charlie about twenty minutes to break through. Unfortunately, Bluestreak's room was on the other side. He had just been catching some recharge since he had been patrolling all night, when a banging sound was heard. He frowned but ignored it. However, it didn't stop, in fact, it almost sounded like it was getting closer….he shot out of bed.

"Decepticons!" He positively shrieked when the decepticons broke a hole through his wall. He ran outside yelling and ran right into Ironhide. "Decepticons are in the base!" Ironhide activated his cannons.

"Tell Prime, don't worry I'll get em!" Bluestreak shot off like a dart looking for his commander, while Ironhide set off to locate the invading decepticons. Bluestreak was on his way to the command center when he ran into Ratchet, knocking them both over.

"Ratchet! The decepticons are attacking the base! I've got to tell Prime." Ratchet activated his saw and ran down the hallway. Bluestreak made it to the command center and plowed into Jazz and Hound. "Decepticons are in the base! Quick!" Optimus looked over from the screen and they all followed him down the hallway. Optimus opened his comm. link.

"Optimus to Ironhide: Where are you?"

"Ironhide here, the north side's clear of those decepti-rats."

"Keep searching, I'm sending Jazz your way." Optimus turned off his comm. link and faced his troops. "Bluestreak, you check the west wing of the base, Hound you're with me. Report in when you find them." The autobots spilt up and started scanning the base for their enemies.

"No sign of any intruders on our side Optimus."

"Ironhide and me didn't turn up a thing either boss bot." Optimus was growing frustrated, he was starting to wonder if Bluestreak was wrong.

"Bluestreak?"

"I know I'm right Optimus I heard them, there was a loud hammering as they were trying to break through the walls of the base." Things were starting to fall into place for Optimus now.

"You heard hammering? Before we let this go on any further we're all going to see Wheeljack, everyone rendezvous at his lab." Now that it appeared as though the decepticons were not attacking the base his initial worry had decreased, but they wouldn't be put to rest until his hypothesis was put to the test. Hound and himself were the last to arrive at Wheeljack's lab, he walked in, the autobots flanking him.

"Wheeljack?" Wheeljack looked up from behind a pile of half destroyed inventions.

"Optimus what brings you here?" Optimus scanned the lab.

"Have you been working on anything today?

"Well I was just looking for a polarizer for my instant immobilizer."

"I see. I don't suppose you've heard anything?" Wheeljack shook his head, and Optimus sighed, he was wrong. "We have a situation Wheeljack, we have reason to believe that there may be decepticons trying to break into the base." Wheeljack nodded and retrieved his rocket launcher, following Optimus out of his lab. As they exited Ironhide began scanning the base with his sonadar sensors to locate anything he might have missed.

"Bluestreak's right Optimus something's causing some tremors in the base and they seem to be strongest over here." The autobots followed Ironhide until they stopped in front of a door.

"They're strongest here Prime." Optimus stared at the door in front of him.

"But this is the girls' room." Optimus readied his rifle. "Be alert and aim carefully." The door before them opened and they were greeted by the sight of Charlie breaking holes into the wall and Alex completely ignoring her.

"Girls, what are you doing?" Charlie looked over from her sledge hammering.

"Optimus! What brings you here?" Alex looked up and waved, before winking at Ratchet.

"Charlie will you please tell me why you are putting holes into the walls of our base?"

"I decided that I needed windows in here. It was much too dark." She continued widening her 'window'. "Unfortunately I realized too late that this wall goes to another room, not outside. But it's too late now, I have to finish it."

"Hey that's my room!" She blinked at Bluestreak.

"Really? Well you'll just have to be careful when you change unless you want me to see you naked."

"But I'm not wearing clothes."

"Oh sexy."

Optimus sighed and slapped a hand to his forehead. Maybe they kept them cooped up too much lately. While the other autobots griped about Charlie doing more damage to the base then a squad of seekers, he commed the twins.

"Alright everyone calm down. It appears our heightened security has left you two with cabin fever as you humans say. I think it's time for some R&R."

"Repairs and restoration?"

"Actually Ratchet, its rest and relaxation."

"Well, what do you girls suggest?" They looked at each other, and simultaneously broke into devious grins.

"Pool party!"

One hour later……

The girls stepped out of their respective guardians clad in bikinis with towels thrown over their shoulders; Alex lifted her sunglasses off her head before turning to the autobots. Charlie and she had somehow been able to convince all the autobots to come with them to the pool.

"Alright you guys bust out your holoforms and put some swimming suits on them." Their holoforms appeared in their normal attire, and they looked at each other curiously. Alex and Charlie stared.

"You guys don't know what swim suits are, do you?" Alex received blank stares from the autobots. Suddenly Charlie piped up.

"Swimsuits are what Alex and I are wearing." Before Alex could point out the difference between swimsuits for guys and girls Bluestreak took action.

"Oh I get it!" Suddenly his holo-clothes disappeared and were replaced with a yellow bikini. A very tiny yellow bikini. Alex's jaw dropped and Charlie turned around with her hand over her mouth.

"Oh my god." Ironhide looked at them in revulsion.

"I am not wearing one of those."

"Good." Alex squeaked. Charlie finally waved her arms.

"No, no oh god no, please change back right now." The sandy haired doe-eyed autobot blinked and changed back to his default jeans and t-shirt. "Okay." She and Alex took deep breaths. Ratchet quietly appraised them.

"It seems that seeing a male in female swim wear is traumatic to them."

"No, it was the G-string bikini bottom. Now look up male swimming trunks on the internet." All their eyes flickered and looks of understanding appeared on their faces. Hound looked unsure.

"Is it appropriate to bare our upper bodies? You two don't." Charlie suddenly decided to be useful again.

"That's cause we got boobies!" Alex sighed, she hated it when Charlie decided to be useful.

"Despite how blunt that was, yeah girls have boobs boys don't so-"

"So take it off!" Charlie started cat calling and whistling as the autobots changed into swimsuits. Sideswipe looked at his twin.

"Suddenly I feel exploited."

"You are." Alex stated as Charlie took photos of them. Soon all of them were clad in Alex approved swimming trunks. Charlie put her camera away.

"I'm gonna sell them to a porn site!"

"Now I really feel exploited." Charlie patted him on the cheek.

"No, sweetie this is just what it's like to be my friend." Charlie turned around and signaled the autobots to follow her. Alex caught up with her.

"Do you think it's weird to see Optimus in swim trunks?"

"It's weird, he's the great autobot leader, and now he's not in a shirt. It's weird, but it's totally hot." Alex got a dreamy look on her face when she looked back at Optimus. He was tall and dignified, with brown hair and wise eyes, and totally built. And he was looking right at her.

"Heh." She walked in front quickly and she and Charlie paid the entrance fee with one of the government issued credit cards. They entered the swimming area to see several large pools with a multitude of slides and diving boards. On one side was a large wave pool where people with inner tubes rode the waves.

"Wow, this place is big when you're like this!" Bluestreak exclaimed, motioning to his holoform.

"Yep, come on, we've got to find some chairs so we can put down our stuff." They headed toward some empty chairs, the autobots getting many looks from the women there.

"Excuse me, would you rub sunscreen on my back? I can't quite reach this spot back here…" A woman wearing a lot of makeup and a blue bikini came up to Mirage, who stuttered. What the heck was 'sunscreen'?

"What?" The woman eyed his long blonde hair he had back in a ponytail and his lean muscles hungrily.

"I said….would you come over here and rub me down with some sunscreen." She looked up from underneath her lashes at him.

"Rub you down?" Sideswipe watched and snickered from several feet away while the girls were arranging their towels. He nudged his twin.

"Hey look, Mirage is getting propositioned by a human woman." Alex stood up straight and everyone looked over to see the woman grab one of his arms.

"Hey Alex, did you see…Alex?" They looked over and saw her pulling Mirage away from the woman and shaking her fist. She drug him back over to the rest of the autobots.

"Hey Mirage man, who was that chick?" He looked bewildered.

"Honestly Jazz, I have no idea. She just came up to me and asked me to rub…"

"Okay okay, that's done let's swim now." Charlie clapped her hands and turned to face the autobots, who were staring at the pool with apprehension. She got fed up and pushed Sideswipe into the pool.

"There we go! Okay who's next?" Alex stared at the edge of the pool.

"He hasn't come up yet." Charlie waved it off.

"Oh he's just being silly. Aren't you Sides?" Charlie went over to the side of the pool and stood next to Alex staring down at the pool. "Sides?" He was thrashing underwater violently.

"Don't worry soldier, I'll save you!" Ironhide dove in after him. He didn't come up.

"Gee Charlie, you think they don't know how to swim? Cause, oh I don't know, they're giant alien robots and don't know how?!"

"Huh, yeah that would make sense wouldn't it?" The two girls dove in and brought the two autobots back to the surface. It was just their luck they decided to jump into the deep end. Ironhide was smart enough to let Alex pull him to the side but Sideswipe was thrashing like crazy, and kept hitting Charlie in the head. They both went under and Alex dove in and pulled Charlie up first, then went after Sideswipe. After getting him to the surface she dodged his blows and hit him in the back of the neck. He slumped and she drug him to the side, where Optimus pulled him up. Alex hung on to the edge of the pool, and took a deep breath. Charlie looked down at her.

"Maybe we should teach them to swim?" Alex spared her a quick glare.

"You think?"

"Okay, now kick your feet. No Sunny, your feet, not your brother." The girls had relocated the autobots to the kiddy pool, where they received many strange looks.

"I feel foolish."

"You'll feel less foolish when you know how to swim. You're the leader of the autobots, you might have to have a water battle someday!" Ironhide raised his eyebrows and Optimus shrugged.

"Okay, now we're going to practice floating on our backs like so." Alex flipped over and demonstrated, until a wave of water appeared out of nowhere and sent her under. They all looked over to Wheeljack, whose scruffy brown hair was messed up. He was holding a monkey wrench.

"Heh, whoops."

"Hey, can't we just download swimming instructions from the internet?" They all stood up.

"By science you're right!" All their eyes flickered as they downloaded swimming instructions from the internet. Charlie sighed and looked depressed.

"What's eating you?"

"I wanted to see Ironhide wearing floaties." Alex burst out laughing at the image.

"We could always tell him that he needs to wear them for safety reasons." They stared as Sunstreaker swam after Sideswipe, who had splashed him while doing the butterfly. Alex jumped when she realized Mirage was standing slightly behind her, watching the same scene. She had a feeling he had been turning himself invisible whenever they were doing something remotely embarrassing.

"That's cheating."

"What?"

"Its cheating when you turn invisible whenever we do something you might not like." Mirage gave her a look.

"I don't see your point."

"You have to go through all these things just like everyone else." He cocked his head to the side slightly.

"I don't feel like it." With that he disappeared.

"Goddamn it Mirage! Get back here!" She looked around and noticed what looked like displaced water in one spot. She leapt and landed on him, sending them under and making him visible. Optimus and Ironhide stood and watched.

"Well?" They watched as Hound and Wheeljack wandered over to the wave pool and Charlie trying to teach Bluestreak how to play marco polo.

"Now you say marco and I'll say polo and you'll try to find me." Bluestreak nodded excitedly.

"Gotcha!"

"Good alright. Go!"

"Marco."

"Polo." Bluestreak reached out his hand and grabbed Charlie.

"Found you!" Bluestreak looked at her proudly smiling.

"Blue your eyes have to be closed when we play!"

"But then I won't be able to see you."

"Blue, that's the point." Meanwhile Ratchet had gotten out of the pool and was staring at a group of sunbathers in concern. Didn't they know they would get sunburned and be at risk for skin cancer? He approached a group of young women in bikinis lying on towels.

"Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice your predicament, are you wearing sunscreen?" The girls stared at the handsome brown haired man in white and red swimming trunks in awe. The black haired girl he addressed blushed.

"Um, no." Ratchet looked aghast.

"Oh dear, do you have any idea what you're doing to yourself? You must wear sunscreen to protect your skin from the sun! Don't worry, I'll help you." He grabbed a bottle of sunscreen and helped the girl put it on, all the while lecturing about the importance of sun safety. Soon, he had a dozen girls lined up, waiting for him to put sunscreen on them. He was blissfully oblivious to the drooling

Charlie walked past Ratchet, watching him massage a line of girls; she always got the feeling he was a closet pervert. She stopped and looked at Ratchet, deciding what the heck and got in line. Meanwhile, Sunstreaker and Sideswipe were racing on the waterslides, which, unbeknownst to them, Wheeljack was tinkering with.

"And this should control the water pressure!" He leaned back and put down his wrench. Hound looked at him warily.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?"

"Of course! Humans love thrills, otherwise they wouldn't build this stuff. I'm just improving it!"

"Yeah okay Wheeljack." Hound backed away and turned on his holograms, changing his disguise into a boulder and rolling away as Wheeljack continued to tinker with the waterslides.

"My Ratchet, what strong hands you have." Charlie pulled her short hair off her neck as Ratchet rubbed sunscreen on her.

"Yes, I need them to repair everyone with." Charlie let her hair back down and leaned against Ratchet's chest.

"My Ratchet what fine abs you have." Ratchet continued to put sunscreen on Charlie innocently answering her.

"They support my entire body, and help my posture." Charlie leaned down and slid into his lap.

"My Ratchet what-"

"Charlie!" She gazed up at Alex.

"S'up?"

"Stop hitting on my husband!" She pushed Charlie off of Ratchet and started yelling at the group of women surrounding them.

"Move out, get away from my man you hussies!" The women left in a huff as Alex held off Charlie from Ratchet, who looked confused.

"Alex, we're not married." She turned around and gave him a sultry look.

"Not yet."

"We're not getting married." Alex looked horrified for a moment before Charlie jumped in.

"That's right Alex, 'cause we are." She threw her arms around Ratchet and leaned on him.

"You tramp how could you?"

"You can't stand in the way of true love!"

"Yeah, well Ratchet likes me more!"

"Nuh------" Both girls paused when Jazz walked by and suddenly let go of Ratchet.

"Jazz!"

"Hey Jazz, wait up!" Ratchet stared as the girls left him, someone tapped him on the shoulder. He looked around and saw a girl in a yellow bikini.

"Are you still helping girls put on sunscreen?" He smiled and took the bottle from her.

"Certainly, melanoma has become a serious health problem in your society. I'm happy to help in any way I can."

"Hey Jazzy, what's shaking?" Jazz turned to see Alex behind him and slowed down.

"I was gonna check out that wave pool."

"Hey, wait for me!" They turned and watched as Charlie ran toward them before slipping and falling into the pool. They watched as Wheeljack came running out of nowhere and fell in after her. He resurfaced holding onto her, unfortunately as he climbed out of the pool, his swimming trunks got caught on the edge. He leaned over Charlie in concern.

"Are you functional?" Charlie opened her eyes to see Wheeljack looming over her, naked.

"Goddamn it Wheeljack! Why are you always naked? You're worse than Alex, put some pants on! There are children watching!" Charlie got out from under Wheeljack and marched over to Jazz, muttering the entire way about indecent robots putting the moves on her. Wheeljack ran after her, mothers were heard screaming in the background as they covered their children's eyes. Charlie turned around eyes ablaze, pointing at Wheeljack.

"You. Pants. Now."

"Charlie if you would just let me explain----"

"Why are you still not wearing any pants?"

"I was trying to save you."

"With no pants?"

"I was wearing swim trunks, but they fell off."

"Well put them back on!"

"I lost them when I found you." Charlie's left eye twitched.

"Oh right, like I'm gonna fall for that one. That's worse than, 'nice clothes, can I talk you out of them?"

"But I'm already not wearing clothes."

"Well put some on!" Wheeljack looked confused.

"So you can talk me out of them?"

"Yeah, Jack so I can talk you out of them."

"Isn't that a bit redundant, I'm already naked."

"There in lies the problem."

"But I thought you wanted me out of my clothes?"

"No! So put some pants on!" Charlie huffed and turned around, she didn't want to be an accomplice when security came. Wheeljack tried running after her, but a boulder hit him from behind and knocked his legs out from under him.

"Owww." Hound stood up sheepishly.

"Heh, sorry Wheeljack, hey, what happened to your swimming trunks? You better form some new ones." Oh yeah. Wheeljack stood up and another identical pair of white swimming trunks with red and green stripes appeared on him.

"Right."

"Are you sure this is a good idea?"

"Of course, these things are a blast." Bluestreak had caught up with Jazz and Alex at the wave pool, unfortunately, he had downloaded a file on rip tides and was convinced the wave pool was dangerous. They waded into the water and let Bluestreak get a feel for it.

"Hey, this isn't so bad."

"See, come on, the real fun's over there!" She pointed to the deep end with the large waves, where people were shrieking with delight. Alex swam out and over the waves and Jazz grinned and followed her.

"Guys, hey guys!" Bluestreak followed them, but was hit by a boy on a wave in an inner tube . The boy was knocked off the inner tube and Bluestreak ended up flipping in the water. He ended up upside down, and kicked hard on something. Unfortunately he ended up upside down in the inner tube, his legs kicking air. The wave subsided and he righted himself with a gasp.

"I _told_ you guys this was dangerous! Guys?" He looked to his right to see Jazz pulling an unconscious Alex to the side of the pool, Bluestreak hurried over to help him. They laid her on the ground and leaned over her anxiously. Blue looked over to see the lifeguard flirting with a group of girls. Figures.

"What happened?"

"Ya kicked her in da' head, now stand back, I downloaded this technique offa the internet!" Bluestreak stood back guiltily and watched as Jazz leaned over Alex. He was about to give her mouth to mouth when he was yanked back and tossed to the ground.

"Hey Bluestreak what gives man?"

"Wasn't me." Bluestreak pointed to Mirage who was now over Alex giving her mouth to mouth. She sputtered and sat up. Opening her eyes, she saw Mirage leaning over her in concern. She squinted.

"Mirage? But I thought Jazz saved me." He got an odd look on his face.

"No, no, it was me." She blinked but let him help her up and lead her to a lawn chair. Bluestreak gaped and Jazz pulled himself back out of the pool.

"That boy needs to interface before he takes us all out in his eagerness."

"Over here Oscar!" A giggly bouncing blonde hit the volleyball over to Optimus, who hit it back. He scowled.

"Oscar?" Ironhide snickered from his place next to him. The blonde passed him the volleyball.

"Hey, who's your friend?" Optimus smirked.

"Oh, this is Igor." Ironhide's jaw dropped. The blonde giggled.

"Oh that's so funny."

"_Igor_? You named me after the deformed human in that ridiculous movie the girls made us watch?" Optimus simply nodded.

"Yes." The girls led him away, two of them in red lifeguard suits, and Ironhide stood and sighed. Optimus always got the femmes. He turned around and stopped as Charlie was standing in front of him. Her eyes were glazed.

"Hey."

"Umm, hey."

"Wanna go somewhere?" Ironhide looked at her suspiciously.

"Like where?"

"Over there." She pointed to the poolside bar. He shrugged.

"Okay."

One Hour Later……

"Okay, we finally got Ratchet away from all those girls, who else is missing?" Alex was standing in front of Bluestreak, Jazz, Mirage, Ratchet, and the twins. They were trying to leave, but couldn't find half the autobots. This may end up badly. They spotted Wheeljack near the turbines behind the wave pool and Jazz ran over before the place exploded. After collecting Wheeljack, they spotted Hound just exiting one of the slides, and waved him over. Their group drew a lot of stares and they searched for the remaining three member of their group so they could leave.

"Hey! HEY!!!" Alex turned around to see Charlie trip over a chair, Ironhide hurrying after her.

"What the—how did you get alcohol?" Ironhide came up to them.

"She stole your ID."

"We look nothing alike!"

"She flirted."

"Goddamit. Charlie, get up!" She moaned and grabbed the closest thing to her, which happened to be Wheeljack. And Wheeljack's shorts. Charlie looked up and screamed.

"Dammit! What the hellllllll!!!" She tripped over backward and fell over backwards into the flush slide, which was at least a fifteen foot drop. Not to mention she was drunk. Alex gasped.

"Charlie!" But at that moment the sun shone on a figure running gracefully toward them, clad in red swim trunks and a red emergency flotation device flung across his built form. He ran past them and Alex fainted, Mirage catching her as everyone gaped at the shining figure. He dove into the pool and emerged with an unconscious Charlie. Laying her down next to the pool, he leaned over her.

"Charlie, wake up." He slapped her face. He'd seen it on a movie once and it seemed to work for them. He slapped her again and this time it worked and she rolled over and coughed up the water she had swallowed.

"Optimus?"

"It's okay Charlie your fine now."

"Why does my face hurt?"

"Uh…you hit you head when you fell in the pool." Charlie was mildly confused, she thought she fell in head first, but Optimus Prime would never lie to her.

"Oh okay." Optimus scooped her up in his arm and proceeded to carry her back to where the autobots were parked.

"Autobots time to roll out." Alex stared in dismay as she watched Optimus carry Charlie.

"You know I bet Charlie could walk."

"Oh no Alex I don't think I could manage."

"She's right Alex, Charlie has been through a lot and needs to rest."

"Yeah." She smirked at Alex and rested her head against Optimus' head. "Oh Optimus I had no idea you were so strong." Alex followed them grumbling about how next time she'll get drunk and fall in the pool. Until Optimus banged Charlie's head on Sideswipe's doorframe as he put her in the passenger seat.

"Oops, my bad."


	4. Extenze

Ex-tenze

It was a typical Tuesday night and Jazz was sitting in the comm. room. He had been saddled with monitor duty and was playing solitaire to pass the time. He had just lost his third game in a row.

"Slag."

"You've got mail."

"Huh?" Jazz opened his e-mail account and stared at the computer screen. A few seconds later he screamed. Down the hall Optimus and Ironhide lifted their heads.

"Was that Jazz?"

"Sounded like it. Something musta come up on the monitors. Something bad." Optimus opened his communication channel.

"All autobots report to the control room immediately." He and Ironhide ran down the hallway and met Jazz halfway.

"Guys, I was justa bout to come find ya, there's something you hafta see!" They looked at each other and walked in, followed by Ratchet, the twins, Hound, and Wheeljack.

"What is it Jazz?"

"Look at this email Bee sent us." Jazz opened the email and the autobots stared at the picture trying to find what was wrong with it as instructed by the directions, it must be something serious since Bumblebee had seen fit to send it to them. As they concentrated on the display, a large image of a screaming human appeared on the screen with a terrible shriek. The twins yelled, Jazz laughed, Ratchet froze, Hound grimaced, Optimus did **not **scream, and Ironhide promptly blew a hole in the wall.

"Blue?" He screamed and covered himself. Bluestreak had just been removing his outer plating to enter a nice relaxing solvent bath when suddenly his wall exploded and the entire base was staring at him while he was naked. Suddenly, Charlie's head popped up on the other side of his room from the hole in between their rooms.

"Hey baby, nice plating!"

"Charlie!"

"Oh Ironhide! I see you Ironhide!" She started waving enthusiastically at Ironhide through the holes in Bluestreak's walls. Suddenly her waving subsided and a suspicious look replaced her exuberant grin.

"…Ironhide… what are you doing peeping on Bluestreak? Ironhide that's nasty….wait" She craned her head and spotted the rest of the autobots still motionless. She gaped. "You were **all **peeping at Bluestreak? Oh Bluestreak I don't know what robots find sexy but apparently you're it. I had no idea you we're so attractive. Stop staring!" She snapped at the gaping autobots. "I have to get you out of here. Here put this on." She handed Bluestreak a large tarp, instructing him to cover his shame. "Don't worry Blue, Alex and I won't let anything happen to you. Alex!"

"Yeah?" Charlie looked around, confused Alex's voice wasn't coming from their room. She scouted the area, spotting Alex in the corner in a large tub.

"Alex?" She peered over the edge to Blue's solvent tub in the corner only to see a giant bubble bath. Alex leaned over the edge, covered with bubbles. Her expression grew horrified. So did Bluestreak's.

"You were in here the entire time?" He squeaked. Alex shrugged.

"Yeah, robot nudity turns me on." She answered in a dead pan voice. Blue somehow managed to blush, and Sunstreaker handed Sideswipe several credits.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"Well Blue, then you would have stopped." Blue pulled up his tarp and crossed the room to grab his armor plating, when he tripped and fell. Mirage winked into view. The autobots gasped.

"Mirage!?"

"Errrr…" Charlie held up her hands.

"Wait a minute, let me get this straight. Bluestreak and Alex were both naked in Bluestreak's room, Alex was taking a bath and watching Bluestreak, then Ironhide blasted the wall so the others could peep on Bluestreak, while Mirage was in the room the entire time peeping on Bluestreak?"

"Actually, I wasn't peeping on Bluestreak." Alex shot back down into the bath and Charlie stared.

"So Mirage was peeping on Alex naked in Bluestreak's room while Bluestreak was also naked?"

"Actually, I didn't notice Bluestreak." Alex blushed and Charlie whistled.

"Wow, you didn't even notice another naked robot in the room? You must really be lonely."

"Hey!"

"Alex put your pants on!"

"I would if I had some."

"Here you go." Mirage handed her a towel. She took it suspiciously.

"Why did you have my towel?"

"No reason tra la la." With that Mirage disappeared from the room.

Some miles away Starscream landed at the edge of a human dwelling he believed they called a 'warehouse.' He surveyed the area and spotted several possible energy sources. He smirked and headed for the closest one, a nearby generator. He would only get a few energon cubes from it, but it would be enough for himself. His troops would have to find their own energy.

Alexis sighed as she pushed her bangs out of her eyes. She hugged her arms closer to her; she had left her jacket her ex-boyfriends car. He had admitted to sleeping with her best friend and never really loving her. She had been so heartbroken she demanded he pull over and let her out. She left in a fit and was now wondering around lost, she sighed again her parents were going to be so angry with her when she got home. They would probably ground her again, or worse. She cringed, pulling her arms closer, covering up the bruises on her arm.

After her father died in a tragic hot air ballooning accident, her mother remarried a cruel heartless man, who drank heavily and beat her. She couldn't tell her mother, it would cause her too much grief and make her unhappy, so she kept her painful secret to herself, and to make matters worse everyone at school hated her, and would call her names. All she wanted was for someone to love her.

She looked up when she heard a crash and her eyes widened when a large shape came into view, it was one of those robots on the news! She gasped and hid behind the corner of a building, watching it. It was large with a white body and red accents, with a yellow cockpit on its chest, she wondered if it was a plane of some sort when it turned and she saw the large wings affixed to its back. Unknowingly she started moving forward while it stuck its hand into an electric generator and channeled the energy into what looked like cubes. Suddenly, it froze and blew up the dumpster next to her. She screamed and dove to the ground. She heard him step closer and jumped to her feet. She didn't move as he started towards her, aiming his gun at her, and just as he planted his foot he let out a loud yell.

"Slagging pit!" Starscream held his foot lifting it up to see what he had stepped on. Sticking out of his foot was a tiny metal object.

"It's a crowbar." He looked down at the tiny fleshling he was about to kill.

"What?"

"You stepped on a crowbar." She walked forward hesitantly and he watched her suspiciously, keeping his gun pointed on her. She leaned down and took hold of the crow bar, and with a mighty yank, pulled it from his foot. He screeched.

"Slagging human!" She leapt backward as he regained his balance and regarded her. She stared into his piercing red optics, entranced. He stared down at her, really noticing her for the first time, she was a tiny thing with her chestnut brown locks cut close to her head highlighting her sparkling emerald orbs. Alexis was about to ask him what he was, but stopped as she didn't want to offend him. She was already very attracted to this mysterious shiny metal figure. She looked up at her, batting her eyelashes, the streetlights highlighting her jewel toned eyes.

"I'm Alexis, my boyfriend left me here after sleeping with my best friend, and now I'm lost and all alone in the world. But it's okay now that I've met you. What's your name?" He stared at her hopeful expression and her hair and eyes and the crow bar she pulled out of his foot and his lips twitched as he stepped on her.

"Starscream."

Charlie sat, thinking, then she stood while thinking then she started pacing. This wouldn't do, she thought that she could trust them, but she was wrong. What if they did something? She shook her head, she had to take action. She had to get Bluestreak out of danger. She got on her computer with one of her 'contacts' and nodded. Yes, this would do. She set out to go protect her alien robot. As she was heading for the door, she paused to look at Alex sprawled out on the couch.

"Don't move Alex, once I've secured Bluestreak I'll be back to ensure your safety." Charlie threw the door open and posed dramatically for a moment.

"And away!" She charged out of the room.

Alex changed the channel on the TV.

"Huh? Did you say something Charlie?" She looked around and didn't see Charlie she shrugged and went back to watching the _Price is Right._

"Uhh, Charlie, I don't think this is necessary." Charlie was standing in Bluestreak's hands, fixing his disguise.

"It is too! Don't worry Bluestreak, you'll be safe in the witness protection program. Here's your new identity card and a list of things you can't say to jeopardize your new identity."

"Charlie it says my name is Robert Johnson and I sell furniture."

"Yes, you're the top sales rep on the west coast."

"But I've never sold furniture."

"Don't worry you're a natural." She picked up a large fake mustache and glued it over his mouth components. "There, all disguised, now, let's practice your sales pitch."

Ironhide peered around the corner looking to see if anyone was coming, before scurrying down the hall and pausing to check for anyone again. Under his arm was a package wrapped in brown paper. He stopped in front a door, which opened with a hiss. He looked around again before entering.

"Finally." He carefully opened the paper and pulled out a small frame, with a signed picture in it. Reading…

_To Ironhide,_

_ Thanks for all the fan mail. Keep on cooking._

_ Lots of Love,_

_ Rachael Ray_

He sighed and realized he needed a frame so he could put it on his wall. Just as he held it up across his berth to see how it looked, his chime sounded. He cursed and carefully put his autograph on a table and set a datapad neatly over it. He opened his door and blinked.

"Uhh, Good morning sir or ma'am, how are you doing today? I am here to offer you a great deal on…uh…recliners. Recliners are a very practical item for you can sit in comfort, and put your feet up. Allow me to show you some styles."

"Bluestreak, what are you doing?" Bluestreak started and cleared his vocalize.

"Bluestreak? Who is this Bluestreak you speak of? My name is Robert Johnson and I am a furniture sales person from Idaho, where my wife and three children live."

"No you're not." Bluestreak started flipping through his index cards looking for the right response.

"Yes, I am. Here let me show you a picture of my family."

"Bluestreak that's a picture of a human family with you face glued over the face of a human male." Bluestreak started flipping through his index cards again.

"That is a picture of us from our last vacation, we went skiing."

"You don't even know what skiing is." More flipping through cards.

"…Yes, I do it is my favorite past time."

"I will give you five energon cubes if you can tell me what season you ski in."

"You ski in the… fall?" Ironhide shrugged. Good enough for him, he didn't know either. "Now if you would like to view our new model I have a catalogue to show you."

"Sure come in."

Charlie patted herself on the back. No that no one would be able to recognize Bluestreak, he was safe for the moment. Once she heard back from the safe house Bluestreak would never have to worry about pervy mechs again. Now she needed to get Alex out of harm's way.

"Alex, where are you? I have a box of stuff for you!" Sideswipe rounded the corner.

"No Sideswipe, you are not Alex."

"I know, have you seen Sunstreaker?"

"Nooo, have you seen Alex?" He shook his head.

"Then you are useless to me."

"Why? I can be useful."

"No you can't, now excuse me I have to go save my friends from an invisible prev-bot, and then I have to keep said friend away from Robert Johnson."

"Who?"

"Robert Johnson he's my furniture sales man. Good man."

"I'll help. I can help. Let me help." Charlie turned and examined her guardian, she did need a get-away driver.

"I don't know. I'm not sure you've got it in you. Do you have the courage and fortitude to stand true in the face of danger and almost certain death?"

"…yes?"

"Good. Alright let's go get Alex."

"Okay, I'll go get Sunny."

"No Sides we don't need him. You'll do. Now let's go get Alex."

"But we need Sunny."

"No we don't."

"But…"

"It'll be fine with the three of us."

"Three?"

"You, me and Alex."

"And Sunstreaker."

"No, no Sunstreaker."

"You and me then?"

"And Alex."

"And Sunstreaker."

"No! Sunstreaker is no way involved in this. We don't need him. We'll be fine by ourselves."

"Well fine let's go then."

"Alright I'll go get Alex."

"Oh I'll go get Sunny."

"No! We've been over this. It will just be the three of us, not four, three you me and Alex, no Sunstreaker."

"But—"

"Just the three of us."

"But what will Sunny do?"

"I don't care."

"So it will just be you and I?"

"Alex is coming with us."

"Then Sunstreaker is too?" Charlie sighed she was getting nowhere.

"You don't understand things that don't come in twos do you?" Sideswipe stared at her uncomprehendingly.

"What?" Charlie sighed. Twin behavior.

"Okay, let's you and I go to my room." Sideswipe pondered this.

"Then what?"

"Then whatever happens, happens."

"What about Alex?"

"What about Alex?" Charlie shot back at him. She figured this out, as long as he let him think in twos, it would be alright. He wouldn't notice once they were there.

"Okay let's go." They went to Charlie and Alex's room, where Alex was watching the news. Charlie led Sideswipe into the room and handed him a box.

"What's this?"

"It's what's going to save Alex. Sideswipe, you must now use the skills you learned from watching Extreme Makeover." His optics lit up.

Jazz and Wheeljack were currently relaxing while watching late night television. Suddenly, a commercial aired for something called ex-tenze? They frowned as they listened to the testimonies.

"So….it makes humans bigger?" Wheeljack shrugged.

"I guess so." Wheeljack snapped his fingers.

"I know! If we give that to Charlie and Alex, then they'll get bigger and taller and we won't have to be as careful around them!" Jazz grinned.

"Wheeljack man, you're a genius! Do you have a credit card?"

"Huh?"

"Come on let's go." Charlie was scanning the hallway looking for any transformers that might cross her path. It was clear as far as she could see, but when watching out for an invisible foe you could never trust your eyes. But Charlie had a plan for that.

"Charlie I don't think this is going to work."

"Don't be silly of course it will."

"But it's not even a good disguise."

"Yes it is!" Alex sighed, stepping out of her room. Charlie had put a red wig on her and made her a name tag saying: _Not Alex_. Charlie was one hundred percent convinced no one would see through her clever disguise. She took her two buckets of pink and blue paint and started throwing them in the air, trying to locate the invisible perv. Just then Mirage walked by.

"Oh hey Mirage." Charlie continued throwing paint. Mirage and Alex stared.

"Charlie Mirage is standing right here, you can stop."

"Oh. Well Mirage, is there anything you would like to say or do?"

"Err, no?" Charlie threw her hands in the air.

"See, I told you it would work!" It was at that moment Jazz ran by holding several boxes aloft.

"Jazz?" He looked down at them and grinned.

"Charlie, Alex just the people I wanted to see." The girls looked at each other unsure.

"Uh…"

"See I was watchin' my soaps the other day when I saw this commercial and I thought of you two, so here you go it's a gift."

Charlie nudged Alex making her open the box. She had too many things blow up in her face recently to chance opening another gift. Alex cut into the bow and rifled through the packing peanuts and pulled out a box. Her eye twitched.

"Jazz do you know what this is?" He nodded enthusiastically.

"Yup you two need it." Alex crushed the box in her hand as Charlie stared in horror at the box then at Jazz.

"You…?" Alex snapped throwing the box at Jazz as she yelled a wordless cry. She huffed and stormed into her room muttering about idiot boys. Charlie stood there stunned until she wordlessly turned and followed Alex. Mirage picked up the box.

"I don't think they liked your gift."

"But… I bought it just for them." He was crestfallen.

"What is this for anyway?"

"They always complain about being too small around us. The commercial said it made humans larger." Mirage shrugged his shoulders, it seemed like a good idea to him. He put his hand on Jazz's shoulder and led him to the rec room.

"There, there would some high grade make you feel better?" Jazz nodded. "Let's go get you some high grade." They made their way to the rec room leaving the box on the floor with the logo Ex-tenze face up for the whole world to see.


End file.
